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Relationships

by | Apr 12, 2019

DEREK
“Morning Doris love, hope you slept ok and enjoyed your lie in. I’ve made our favourite breakfast, Egg and bacon muffins with fried potatoes”

DORIS
“Yes I slept fine Derek thank you my little stud muffin. Have you worked out the calories for me on all of this?”

DEREK
“No but it’s all healthy food, and it’s good to have time off from a diet occasionally, I read that in The Daily Mail”

DORIS
“But Derek, I told you last night that I wanted my Special K, I am dieting, I need to lose this weight, I am sick of it, and a bowl of cereal and milk is lower in calories and EASIER to work out”

DEREK
“But I didn’t fancy cereal Doris, and wasn’t about to make all of this just for me, and it’s no fun eating all of this on my own. I don’t even LIKE Special K”

DORIS
“DEREK, I have to DIET. I have been fat ALL my adult life, I am distraught and desperate. I am trying my best here to make positive changes to improve my life, to make me fitter and stronger, healthier, reduce my chances of contracting diabetes, cancer, heart disease and a whole host of other diseases”

DEREK
“But you look fine to me Doris, you don’t even need to diet”

DORIS
“Derek, I spoke to you about this when I started with that lovely young man James. I said to you that I needed your support and encouragement because I struggle to stick to things, and you said yes of course Doris dear I can do that for you, but instead you have gone and made a breakfast for me that I have NO WAY of tracking or staying on plan with. ALL you had to do was weigh some things for me and this would have been fine”

DEREK
“But I couldn’t be arsed weighing everything Doris, it’s Sunday morning, and this is what I fancied for breakfast, and I am getting fed up of James says this, and James says that blah blah blah”

DORIS
“Well to be honest Derek I am getting fed of you being so selfish all the time, thinking only of yourself. This is the one thing that means everything to me and I really want to give it my all and I NEED your support and help. I need your encouragement and motivation but instead all I get is me, me, me. I don’t want this, I can’t be arsed doing that and it’s been like that for the last 40 years”

DEREK
“Calm down woman it’s only breakfast, don’t go flying off the handle, watch your blood pressure”

DORIS
“I AM watching my blood pressure that’s why I am trying to lose weight. You know what Derek, you’ve shown your true colours. You say you love me, you say you want to support me but when push comes to shove you actually don’t want the ‘inconvenience’ of anything changing. You don’t want new routines, you want your nice easy life just the way it is and has always been”

DEREK
“You’re just talking nonsense now Doris, I don’t understand where this is all coming from”

DORIS
“It is coming from the fact that I now finally realise that this is all about you. You are not prepared to make some changes and sacrifices to help ME, because it isn’t in YOUR interest, you can’t see how it benefits YOU. My eyes have been opened and while I am not about to leave you Derek at this late stage in life, primarily because I can’t be doing with the hassle, I will remember this, and one day you will want something from me, that doesn’t benefit ME directly, and the answer will be no..

Things are going to change Derek, we are going to eat the foods I NEED TO EAT, we are going to do stuff I NEED TO DO. I am going to lose this weight with or without your help and if you truly care and have love for me you will adapt and help me. You are a selfish man, thinking only of yourself, and that is NOT what a relationship is all about”

DEREK
“Blimey Doris, ok I get the message. What is it I need to do to help you”

DORIS
“Derek, I need you to do everything you said you WOULD do for me when we spoke last week about this new diet. I need you to come through for me, be supportive, be the rock in my life, encourage, motivate and enthuse me. Pick me up when I am down, praise me when I am winning.”

DEREK
“I don’t know if I can do all that Doris”

DORIS
“I know Derek, and that’s what Simon, my new Pilates instructor at the gym said you would say. We are going for a drink tomorrow night after the class to discuss it more. I will be home a little later, you will have to make your own tea.”

DEREK
“Simon????”


If you have a partner or family members like Derek you HAVE to find a way to make them understand HOW important this is to you. You have to SHOW THEM, have a true heart to heart, they NEED to understand what they can do to help, and what they must not do.

Explain to them that the more committed you can be to this the sooner it will be over and life can go back to normal (with smaller portions) but you NEED their help. 

Do whatever you need to do but get them on your side, the job will be SO much easier if you can.

Involve them, show them the plan, get them to choose meals, make them involved.

But good luck. I KNOW its not easy

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